God Has Opened My Heart Through Love
I can remember standing in my 2nd floor laundry room in 2014 like it was yesterday…looking aimlessly out the window while my Dad gave me the news over the phone that my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. A gamut of emotions overcame me. The emotion that took hold strongest was fear. Fear of not being able to recognize my Mom, fear of the unknown, and something I am most ashamed of, fear of one day having Alzheimer’s Disease myself. I literally lost sleep for 2 weeks worrying about that with the thoughts of burdening my children or “passing it on” to them. I prayed constantly for Mom and peace in my heart.
Thankfully, my prayer for peace was answered and I was able to move past the “me” and focus on my Mom. But as the months and years went on, things went from bad to worse when my Dad passed away in 2016. My 6 siblings and I needed to figure out how we were going to care for or get care for our beautiful Mom. At this point I couldn’t tell if my Mom understood that her beloved husband of 66 years had gone to heaven. Here was a woman who raised 7 children, remembered every one of her 6 great-grandchildren’s, 16 grandchildren’s and children’s birthdays, anniversaries, Feast Days, school programs, and other special events, who could now barely remember that she had worn the same clothes for 4 days straight. It was heartbreaking.
7 adult children grieving the loss of their Dad, living in various parts of the United States, now faced with managing the unknown issues of Alzheimer’s Disease, looked a lot like this: anger, sadness, distance, guilt, worry, opinions, silence and fear. I had peace when I was with my Mom, but when I was away from her, I found myself resentful and angry with my siblings, with God, and with myself because I knew I was clearly not living according to His plan.
One day, the chaplain from hospice came to visit my Mom. My Mom was asleep at the time so I apologized and told him we should probably reschedule. He asked if it would be okay to still come in and maybe talk with me to see how I was doing. I thought to myself, “sure, but what could he possibly have to offer me? I’m okay…it’s my siblings I wish he could speak with.” So, we sat and chatted for a bit, and I began to share thefear and anger I was holding onto. He listened so patiently and without judgement. And then he told me what an honor it was that I was able to care for and be with my Mom so often. That even in her frailness and confusion she was still teaching me to be loving and compassionate. And how fortunate I was that I saw that importance when my siblings couldn’t. And it hit me…I was doing it all wrong. I was the fortunate one who had the time with my Mom and I needed to do it with LOVE in all aspects. I needed to drop the resentment and guilt trips I was throwing at my siblings and treat them with love, too. And once I did that, the more my out of state siblings started to visit…the more my local siblings started to help with the care my Momneeded. God had opened my heart through love by using the hospice chaplain.
From that day on, my attitude and outlook changed immensely. I felt the peace of Christ in my heart to my core, and I was able to see Him in the day-to-day events with my Mom. Things like watching her sing songs that even her illness couldn’t rob her of, watching her devour her favorite ice cream, smiles from ear to ear when her grandchildren came to visit, a “nod of pleasure” after she had her hair done at the hairdresser, and especially when the only words she was able to speak at the end of her life were, “I love you, too.” Christ also revealed himself by bringing us an angel in the person of “Melly,” the beautiful caregiver who stayed with my Mom from early in her disease, until the end of her life. Melly treated my Mom with the dignity she deserved and I will forever be grateful to her.
It has been 4 1/2 years since my Mom went to heaven. I miss her so much. And though I wouldn’t wish Alzheimer’s Disease on anyone, I am grateful for the lessons God taught me while caring for her during her illness. Without my faith in Him, I would never have had the strength to face or help my Mom face the challenges that came our way each and every day. With every “Come Holy Spirit” prayer I prayed on the way to her home, I was given the peace and patience I desired and needed. My personal core value of “respect for life” was fortified and renewed by the gift of caring for the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of my Mom in her most vulnerable moments; lessons she modeled for me her whole life. My faith delivered me from one of the lowest points in my life and brought me to a place of hope, acceptance and truth. Thank you, God!
September is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month, and it is also the month of my Mom’s birthday. She would’ve been 95 years old this year. Happy Birthday, Mom! I will always be grateful for each and every moment we had together.
Isaiah 41:10 , “Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”
—Anne Fiorentino/Guest Blogger
